The Bitch Cakes Style Philosophy, Part II- Shopping Strategies

One thing I get asked very often is "How long does it take you to get ready?". And I think the answer usually surprises people - it takes me as long as it takes most people - anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes (depending on my hair that day)

The thing I tell people is "It takes me no longer to put a shirt over my head than it takes you. And it takes me no longer to zip up a skirt than it would to zip up a pair of jeans"

But what I realized, and the most important piece of advice I can pass on, is that the time involved has nothing to do with getting dressed - that's the easy part. The focus needs to be put on the time you spend *shopping*. And here are some things I have learned over the years:

1- Figure out what looks good on you.
Easier said than done, I know. This can take a while and has to do with a few things. Most notably:

• Your coloring: Determine what colors work with your skin tone. Not all colors work for all shades of skin - I look terrible in orange, yellow and most greens/browns, so I avoid them. I look great in reds, pinks, turquoise, black, gray, white - so I go for those colors.
• How you are built: Figure out what cuts of clothing work for your body shape - I have a small waist, so wrap shirts are good. And because of my very short legs - high waisted skirts and high waisted pants look best. A-line cut skirts or dresses or anything with too much fabric on the bottom looks terrible on me since it makes my already disproportionately large hips/ass look even larger.
• Your height: Although at 5'2" I'm petite, I buy regular sized skirts because petite skirts are too short (and my giant ass tends to raise them up a few more inches), but I tend to do well with petite shirts because they fit better in the arms and there is less material to tuck into my skirts.

How do I know all this? From years of trying stuff on! So whatever your size, shape and coloring, invest a little time to figure out what works for you. Because once you do, it will help you every time you shop for the rest of your life.

2- Shop all the time
Don't necessarily buy all the time, but shop all the time. Because if you wait until you need something to shop for it, you are probably not going to find it. You will settle on something that is 'good enough' but you will probably not love that item. And you will not feel your best in it. If you at least check out your favorite stores every week or two, you can see what's out and grab stuff that works for you when it's available - or keep an eye on the price and buy it when it gets marked down. That way, when you need it, you already have it - or know where to get it.

3- I cannot stress this enough: If you do not feel amazing when you try it on in the fitting room, do not buy it!
It's that simple. That means that even if you LOVE the item, do not buy it if it doesn't look good on you. This can be soul crushing, I know, but it will be worth it in the long run. If you try it on, look at yourself and think 'It's fine, it fits' or say 'It's such a great deal, how can I not buy it'? Then you are buying for the wrong reasons! The way you feel when you try it on is the way you will feel when you wear it in real life. And if you are underwhelmed in the fitting room, then every time you wear that item, you will feel equally as uninspired and blah about it. But the opposite is true too: if you only buy items that make you feel like a million bucks in the fitting room, you will feel like a million bucks when you wear them! And who doesn't want to feel like that all the time?

The moral is: Only purchase items that make you feel great. That way, when you get dressed, you only have great items to choose from.

If you're willing to put in a little bit of up front time, it will pay off every time you shop and every time you get dressed - A lot of guesswork will be taken out of shopping because you will know exactly what you are looking for; you can grab the cuts and colors that you know work for you and can easily rule the other stuff out before ever bringing it to the fitting room. And there will be no guesswork necessary when you get dressed because you will know everything you own is perfect for you.

Doesn't that sound simple?

The Bitch Cakes Style Philosophy, Part I

Style-wise, it took me years to figure out what I was doing. And I guess I'm doing something right, because I get many compliments both on line and in real life (from friends and strangers alike) regarding my style.

I also get asked a lot of fashion and style related questions, and I dole out my fashion philosophy when people ask, but don't expect anyone to really take my advice.

That was until my young friend Franny approached me at the car show this summer and thanked me for the advice I had given her months earlier. I basically told her that you should always feel good about how you look when you leave your house - whether you're going to work, on a date, or just do do errands. I live this way, so I know it's true. But if you need more convincing, here are several reasons:

1. When you look good, you feel good.
2. Knowing you look good improves your mood and outlook.
3. You never know what that day has in store for you or who you might meet, or run into.
4. Looking good gives you a sense of confidence and self assurance.
5. And finally, seriously, why wouldn't you want to look good?

Apparently, she really listened to me and had been thinking about it. She told me she had really embraced the concept of "even looking good to do errands" and was slowly changing her wardrobe one piece at a time. Here we are at that car show-

Now Franny is lucky in that she's young, naturally pretty and has a great little body. This woman could pretty much wear anything, so she has an advantage most people don't. But I still was touched that she took to heart what I said, modified her wardrobe and attitude about what she will leave the apartment in, and seemed genuinely happy about her mini transformation.

Here we are again at Otto's in November. She's wearing a body hugging black dress -

And last weekend, she had on a beautiful Asian print dress that fit her body perfectly -

She's a beautiful girl either way; but I am excited for her that she has been exuding confidence and seems more radiant than ever. I'm happy for that little gal!

That's lesson 1. In future installments, I'll go over where/how I shop and more of my personal philosophies.

Twenty Years worth of Driver's Licenses

When I moved to Brooklyn, I had to get my address changed on my driver's license. That meant I had to get a new photo. This upset me greatly because I LOVED my driver's license photo at that time. I'll unveil it shortly. But here you may enjoy the two decades worth of driver's licenses I possess:

My first license, January 1988
I took my written exam ON my 16th birthday. I passed the road test a few months later (on my first try, thank you very much). I was a Junior in High School and 16 years old here:

License #2:
This next license meant I could drink legally- I had turned 21 just weeks before this photo was taken. My hair was down to my waist.

License #3:
This photo had to be taken when I was less than 25, I am guessing I am 23 here (I cut my hair off before my 25th birthday):

License #4:
Here I am married and 29 years old. This was taken in January 2000. I always thought this was a cute photo:

License #5:
Then, the masterpiece. My stunning license that I had at the time I moved to Brooklyn, which I would have to change. Here I was separated and 32 years old.

How freaking hot is that pic? The hair? The lipstick? The smirk? It's like "I'm gonna kick your ass, but I'm not gonna ruin my face or hair!" I still love it.

License #6:
A week after moving to Brooklyn, I went to DMV to change my license. I thought I would be keeping the above photo and they would just update the address. But that was not the case - I learned I would have to take a *new* photo. I was NOT prepared to take a new photo this day. And this is the outcome of that visit:

The only good thing I can say about this photo is my skin looks clear. But my hair is undone, my eyebrows are asymmetrical and I have a double chin. How on earth was I supposed to carry THAT after carrying that gorgeous license previously?! It was hardly fair.

So I did what anyone else would do - well, at least anyone else as vain and self obsessed as I am - A few weeks later, I put on my favorite silk blouse, made sure my hair and make up looked great and went BACK to the DMV, paid an additional 15 or 20 dollars and had my photo re-shot. It was well worth it, since this is now the license I carry:

Actually, looking at it now, I wouldn't mind going back for a new one. I'm at least 30 pounds less than I am in that photo and again my eyebrows are not very symmetrical. Not to mention my hair is longer and even more fantastic now. And am I cross-eyed here?!

I think I'll treat myself to another new photo in the near future...

Reasons I love Greenpoint- Part 2: Anthony @ Key Food

One thing I dreaded when I moved to Brooklyn was figuring out where I was going to buy my groceries. In fact, it's one of the reasons I was reluctant to give up my car for so long.

I had been to the Associated on Manhattan Ave a few times in a pinch, but it is fairly small, so the selection is also small. And even worse - they don't take American Express, which is my preferred card since I get cash back.

After living here about a year, I dropped off my car for service one morning at a shop on McGuinness Blvd. On the walk home, since I was passing right by it, I decided to pop into Key Food for a few items I needed. Quite honestly, I expected the worst; but much to my amazement, it was huge inside (by NYC standards) and really nice! It was well stocked, clean, and had enough space to carry a wide selection of items.

But the thing I am most critical of in any grocery store, and what I often judge that store by - is its produce section. And much to my surprise and delight, this Key Food had a large and gorgeous produce section!

After that initial visit, I began shopping there regularly. And it wasn't long before I met one of the workers in the produce section who is responsible for keeping it so beautifully and freshly stocked.

Meet Anthony-



Anthony is a sweet, friendly and hard working young man. And he always has a smile. When I do my weekly shopping, I look for him to say hello and have a brief chit chat. He's nice enough to entertain my random conversations - which are usually food related. Once, I mentioned I had a salsa recipe that called for tomatillos, and asked Anthony if they carry them. Sadly, they did not. But Anthony managed to pull a few produce strings and on my next visit, sure enough, there were tomatillos! (My salsa was awesome, by the way. Thanks, Anthony!)

I've only seen him outside of the store once - Lainy and I were bike riding around the neighborhood, and I heard someone call my name. I turned around and it was Anthony. I said hello and rang my little bell for him. Lainy asked "Who was that?" When I told her it was Anthony, the great produce guy from Key Food, she was like "My god, you know EVERYONE!" Not everyone, but lots of good people.

Thank you Anthony, for being such a nice part of my weekly visit to Key Food, and for keeping that produce section in such great shape. You're one more reason I'm glad to call Greenpoint home!

An ode to my dear friend, Joe Katz, who inspired a pie chart

I have a friend named Joe Katz who I adore. He's a truly great guy- always pleasant, always funny, always helpful, and always ready to have fun. Joe Katz is also very fond of get-togethers. He has helped organize many picnics in our lovely and local McCarren Park, movie nights, bingo nights, bar nights, parties, and the ever popular brunch at his place.

Just to give you a small idea of the greatness of Joe Katz and the many social situations he is a part of, take a look at these photos-

Here, Joe Katz himself makes us pancakes at his most recent brunch:



Here, during his Possum Awareneess Party, Joe Katz leads us in a stirring rendition of "The Greatest Love of All", his birthday song of choice:



Here, Joe Katz contemplates his next Connect 4 move during a very heated game (this travel edition accompanies him to all social events, by the way):



Here, Joe Katz and I show off the mini golf ball we used to play a horrendous round of mini golf together:



Here, we see Joe Katz at the bowling alley, being worshiped by two fine ladies:



Here, Joe Katz kicks some Foosball ass:



Here, Joe Katz and I pose for a delightfully dirty looking photo in McCarren Park:



Here, Joe Katz and I realize we are too dead sexy when photographed together:



And one of my personal favorites- Joe Katz, me, and a guy dressed up as the David Cross character on Arrested Development, who is in costume as his Blue Man Group character (not only was this a GREAT costume, but it was especially fantastic since Joe Katz himself has been mistaken for David Cross):



Really, this could go on all day, but I think I have proven my point about Joe Katz. However, if you have not had enough of him yet (and really, how could you ever get enough Joe Katz?), then I highly recommend this fantastic tribute to Joe Katz photo set my friend Michelle put together (with hilarious captions, no less) but to see even MORE Joe Katz, he's all over my flickr too.

Finally, let me get to why we are here...

As you can clearly see, Joe Katz likes to have fun. And I love this about him. However, after having to decline one too many happy hours, sushi nights, bike rides, park adventures, bingo nights, fireworks displays, parties, etc, I knew I had to explain to Joe Katz that while I valued him greatly as a friend, it was nothing personal. I simply did not have enough time left in my day/week/life to attend all of these fine events.

But I knew that explanation on its own would not suffice. I had to do more. I had to prove it!

And what better way to illustrate that point to Joe Katz than with a pie chart?!

So I thought about it... 'How *do* I spend my precious 168 hours a week?' And on an average week, this is precisely how those hours are spent:



*NOTE: the 8 hours I factored in for socializing is of the non-Joe Katz variety. I allotted 4 hours each for Friday and Saturday night, since that is often - though not necessarily always - spent outside of my Joe Katz circle. As I stated, this is an *average* week.

I sent the pie chart to Joe Katz showing him that in the end, I have a mere 11 hours per week of "Free Time" left. That's really not a lot. And to be honest, most of that is spent on the computer - blogging/reading blogs/and doing photo stuff. I let him know that I would give him as much of that time as I could, but had to be selective and could only do it as time and situations permitted.

And I think Joe Katz finally understood:
1) That I value him enough as a friend to let him know I truly did want to hang out with him
2) He should not stop inviting me to things, I just can't always say yes
3) I'm slightly nuttier than even he realized

I love you, Joe Katz! Thanks to you, the world (and Greenpoint) is a better place to live!




**and before any of you ask, Yes, we always refer to him by his first and last name, "Joe Katz". It's not that we have any other friends named Joe, it's just more fun that way.