The Tabasco Incident

(originally posted on myspace May 9th, 2006)

I'm low on Tabasco products and went online to restock. When doing so, I found the "personalized Tabasco bottle" item. I had to have it. I ordered it, and in the personalization field, I entered what I wanted to appear on my label: "*Bitch Cakes*".

Two weeks go by and no order arrives, no email is sent to me. This is very unusual, their shipping is usually very quick.

I emailed them today asking for the status of my order. I figured the personalized bottle was holding up the order. I was right; but not for the reasons I expected. I get an email back from them:

Hi,
This is the phone number that came through on the order 9143781359 (NOTE: This was my phone number about 8 years ago. I feel bad for whoever has it now, because I use it anytime an online form requires a phone number. Feel free to use it too!) The lady who answered said that I had the wrong number. The reason for calling is the name you would like printed on the label _____ Cakes. We cannot print that. Please advise.
Spicy regards,
Jill M. Derouen
Tabasco Catalogue
McIlhenny Company

Did you catch that? No, not "spicy regards" - the fact that not only can they not type the word "Bitch" on my label, but apparently they can't even type it in the email! Why not?! Did the "B" fall off her keyboard? Obviously not, since they used it in "TABASCO". So on what grounds can they not type this label? How dare they censor my label?

It's not like I requested something actually offensive! "Bitch" is not even a curse word or racist term!

I shot back a reply immediately (never a good idea, I'm a bit of a hothead):

Are you serious???? In that case, cancel my order. That's absolutely absurd! I'm sorry I have a tattoo of your product.

(for those of you who haven't seen it- )

But the more I thought about and fumed over this, I decided my new course of action... (because who am I kidding, I can't live without Tabasco) - I am going to ask that they keep my order as is. And request the personalized label exactly as she typed it in the email: "_____ Cakes". That way I can fill in the blank when I get it, trying to closely match their font with my fine skills.

THEN.....

I will call them and give them a piece of my mind. But only *after* I get my personalized bottle.


06/23/09 Note, I never did modify the bottle or call them after I received it. I thought it was funnier to leave it as is and retell the story. Here's the bottle -