(originally posted on myspace 4.14.2005, and my first ever blog)
My brother is getting married this year. Of course I'm in the wedding party and have to be fitted for a dress I hate. This reminded me of the last time I was in a wedding party, in October 2000...
I hate weddings. And worse than attending weddings is having to be in the bridal party. I dread the bridal shop fitting more than my annual gyn visit. First and most obviously, your typical bridal shops are just an aesthetic nightmare - there are more tacky garments than you can imagine. They are employed by middle aged, frosted haired ladies with no style and visited by young girls more into their wedding than their upcoming marriage. And when it comes to the brides maid dresses, it's like they go out of their way to design this stuff to be as hideous and unflattering as possible.
When you arrive, the first hurdle is just seeing the ugly dress the bride picked out for the brides maids (they have to make sure you won't look better than them in the pics, after all). But then the real horror starts when they get to the 'measurement' part of the ordeal.
Those of you that know me know I'm a pretty big girl - especially in the hip/ass area. So the woman measures me around my hips. The horrific number is 48. Yes I said 48. That's right: FORTY FREAKING EIGHT.
My first thought is 'My god - I'm 5 feet tall and 4 feet around!!!!' I haven't even recovered from the shock of that thought yet when the woman measuring me whips out her little 'size chart' and looks up my measurements.
My chest makes me a 12.
My waist makes me a 12.
My ASS makes me a 16!! Two full sizes bigger than the rest of me!!
To make matters worse, I'm informed that 'anything over a 14 is a plus size' (clearly denoted on her chart by an extra dark line between the 14 and the 16). And the woman is kind enough to inform me that due to my HUGE ASS (ok, she didn't put it that way) I had to pay an additional $35 for the 'extra fabric' needed to construct my monstrous tent like garment.
Isn't this sizeist?! I mean, do tall girls pay TALL TAX? I bet not! And I've been through this before, I know when the dress arrives, it's going to be 8 feet long and they're gonna have to hem half of it off because I'm so short. Do I get a SHORT TAX REBATE? Of course not!
Even more maddening, the dress was an A-line style, which is pretty loose in the hip area. And you all know I wear everything skin tight. But I could not talk them out of the size 16 and down to the 14. So not only do I pay 200 dollars for a disgusting strapless green unflattering dress, but now I also had to pay the extra $35 dollars because, according to them, my ass is just too big for a "normal" sized dress.
This was 5 years ago mind you and I am still mad about it. The only good thing was that when I was fitted for the dress for my brother's wedding, I fell into the 'normal range' since I'm smaller now. No more ass tax for me, suckers!
Recipe: Pumpkin Yogurt
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I was in Whole Foods recently and saw "Pumpkin Yogurt", but it was made with
milk. I'm a sucker for *anything* pumpkin, so I thought 'damnit, why don't
the...
1 day ago
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8 comments:
I hate weddings too!!! I didn't even have one myself and I didn't wear white either. I totally agree with you, most women are way focused on the wedding day instead of the marriage. :-) And I feel your pain, my hips make me a size larger on the bottom as well :-(
that's a good point about tall girls, i can't believe that they shot you up a dress size, weren't they making the dress for you? that sucked, but at least you aren't paying that tax anymore.
The catalogs really get me--if they even HAVE plus sizes, they're always $10-20 more for what, a buck's worth of extra material?! I'm tall AND tubby. Doomed from the start.
I usually have the boob tax. However, I often feel they make you buy the bigger dress so you can pay more for alterations. It is such racket. The whole wedding thing = a giant racket. Oh, and there is in fact a tall tax. You have to pay more for 'extra length' too. They get the tall skinny ladies too. Coming and going I tell you. Coming and going...
Outrageous that you have to buy your own dress!! I've heard this is a custom in the US - it sucks!
In the UK when you have bridesmaids you buy their dresses, shoes, hair, nails - I even got a new set of lingerie for one wedding! It's the least the bride can do - 'honey if you want me to wear that monstrosity you can bloody well pay for it!!'
As far as tall girls do - I'm 5 11 and we sometimes get taxed the extra fabric for the length about £50 I think the last one cost me. And I always will be - least you won't be fat taxed anymore.
What a horrible story, I have yet to be fitted by a bridal store but I could just imagine how wretched it was.
Whatever happened to said ugly dress?
I always fast before the wedding day...always a bridesmaid & never a bride.
Z - it's true. My ass is the perfect size now.
Darla, after I wore it that one time, I got rid of it. It was AWFUL!
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