Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Uncle Dom and Grandpa Frank

I received a rather surprising email earlier this week: Apparently, somehow, my Great Aunt Inez found her way over to Facebook and sent me a friend request. I have no idea how this happened but am blaming my cousin (her granddaughter) for creating the account. It's the only explanation that makes sense.

Of course I accepted her request, but I was really hoping there were great old photos of her with her husband, my Uncle Dom on her page. Sadly, there are no pics yet. My Uncle Dom is the uncle that - whenever I mention him - I preface it with "The Uncle I have a crush on".

I wrote a blog about him, and my Grandpa Frank, on myspace 12/15/2005. Enjoy.

For those of you that read my brother's wedding blog- I mentioned hitting on my Uncle. Like embarrassingly. I wanted to sit in his lap and hold his little bowling ball head in my hands and just lick him.

He has a raspy voice, drinks scotch, is a fantastic Italian cook, wears pinky rings and is just effing HOT. Even as a young girl, I remember him and my aunt always being very flirtatious and just really sexy together.

But my crush started budding when I attended their 50th wedding anniversary at City Island in the Bronx and I saw photos from their youth and their wedding in 1950. He was so damn sharp in photo after photo - pictures of him in gorgeous suits and hats and suspenders, with cars from the 40's. It was then that I fell in love with him. (Note- I'm not *really* in love with him, and he's not even related to me, he is my uncle through marriage.)

Since some of you asked about him and I didn't take any pics of him at the wedding, I dug up a few older photos I have of him. This is my Uncle Dom, me and Aunt Inez in 1997. Note how I am towering over the both of them. Keep in mind I am 5'1", but I was wearing 4 inch heels, so I was 5' 5". They're both about 4'11".

Uncle Dom, Me, Aunt Inez

Here is my Grandpa Frank (my godfather), with me and my Uncle Dom in December 2003:

Grandpa, Me, Uncle Dom

Uncle Dom and Grandpa Frank were good friends back in the 1940's. It's because of that friendship that my Uncle Dom met and married my Aunt Inez - who is Grandpa Frank's sister.

Now my Grandpa Frank is another character entirely. He lived in the Bronx until just a few years ago, and he owned and rode horses very well when he was a boy. He was a Bronx cowboy of sorts. He also (much to my dismay) loved hunting. He still tells me stories about taking the train from the Bronx to upstate NY (they let them on there with rifles???) to go hunting. And venison be damned, he swears there's no meat like squirrel meat (I shit you not. Squirrel meat. The man loves it.). Anyway, here he is at the beach, I am guessing in the 50's?

Grandpa Frank on the beach

And I just remembered a funny Grandpa Frank story - back in the 40's, he was taking a girl on a date, so he asked my Great Grandpa Mario (my ancestor who came to Ellis Island from Italy at the turn of the century and who was my favorite relative of all time - he died when I was 7) if he could borrow his car. My Grandpa Mario (his Dad) said yes, and Grandpa Frank took the girl to the movies in his Dad's car.

The next day, my Great Grandfather gets up to go to work. But he can't find the car outside. "Frankie, where's the car???" Apparently, my Grandfather FORGOT that he borrowed his Dad's car. He drove his date to the movies but then they walked home! The car was still at the movie theater. It's bad enough he forgot, but the girl forgot too?! Crazy kids...

That's my Grandpa Frank in a nutshell. He's a little odd like that. He says "beau-TEE-ful" instead of "beautiful". And my Dad tells me that he showed up to my christening (again, he's my godfather) in his 'painting shoes'. My Dad made him go home and put his real shoes on. He also hasn't paid for a haircut in probably 5 decades.

Here's a pic of Grandpa Frank (aka "Frankie Flash") from I am guessing the 1960's. He was a professional photographer his whole life and had a love for, and owned, several Volkswagens (which may explain my love of taking photos, and Volkswagens!)

Grandpa (aka Frankie Flash) and his VW Bus

And this is probably my favorite Grandpa Frank picture. He's shown here on the far left. He is working in his Dad's butcher shop, in I am guessing in the 40's or early 50's, and all the butchers are wearing butcher smocks WITH TIES AND HATS! (well, except Grandpa, he just has a tie) But how hot is that? So classy!

Grandpa Frank working the counter in his Dad's butcher shop

It's no wonder my Grandma had a crush on Grandpa, or that Aunt Inez fell for Uncle Dom. Look at those classy, sexy Italian-Americans! I wish I could have known them back in the 40's and 50's.

I just hope my Aunt digs out and scans some old photos with herself and Uncle Dom and uploads them onto Facebook so I have more photos to steal for my Flickr page.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Time for a little more William...

New and random William stories:

One day William got to work and told me he was worried about his Jeep - He said that it was driving strangely on the way to work. I told him to bring it to the shop across the street while we were working, but for whatever reason, he didn't want to. When he left that day, I offered him my AAA card (I am still a member) and told him to be careful getting home. The next day I asked him if his car was ok. He just said it was fine. I dug deeper to find out what happened and he sheepishly admitted it was nothing - he was just nearly out of gas. Dork.

Recently, they hired a new guy. And he happens to be kind of... stocky - around William's size. For a week, William kept asking me to find out how much the new guy weighed because he was hoping he hadn't been outweighed. I barely knew the guy, so I refused to ask, but William finally caved and asked himself. His worst fears were confirmed - The new guy outweighs him. William was always our biggest guy, and this was troubling to him. He told me his "Fat Boy Identity" had been stolen. I told him this was an opportunity for him to get in shape and be the "Fit Guy", but that wasn't as appealing as eating his bacon egg and cheese...

On the rides to the gym, William never buckles his seat belt. I hear the alarm chime constantly, reminding him to buckle up. I finally couldn't take it anymore one day and asked him why he doesn't wear his seat belt. His reply? "No self respecting spic wears a seatbelt!" I had no response to that one...

A few months ago I cut a lot of my hair off, ten inches to be exact. Days went by and I was shocked that no one noticed it at work. When I mentioned this to William, he told me that's because men look at women in this order: "Tits, ass, legs, ankles, eyes, face and THEN hair." I'd have to assume that is not the case for all men, but now we know what William's physical priorities are.

I don't know where or how it began, but William has two sayings that I found amusing at first, but now I am totally hooked and use them constantly - much to the shagrin of all those around me...

  1. "My good man" or "My good lady". You can pretty much substitute it anywhere you might hear sir or ma'am. Even though in NY, you would rarely hear either of those terms. Often I overhear William on the phone - "Thank you, my good man!" and "You're welcome, my good lady!" I have used this on bus drivers "Good morning, my good man!" and in stores "Pardon me, my good man." I just think it's hilarious and it makes me smile whenever I say it.
  2. This saying is almost too embarrassing to admit but I love it so hard right now, you have no idea. It's quite simply "dog". You know, like Randy Jackson was saying on American Idol oh, I don't know, 5 years ago? Yeah. Dog. It finally caught on with me. I use term this in person, in texts, on the phone, and even in email at work (only to those people I feel comfortable enough to be an idiot in front of). It starts first thing in the morning "What's up, dog?" and continues all day "Wanna go for coffee, dog?" "What are you doing, dog" "We going to the gym today, dog?" You get the idea. It's slightly embarrassing now but will likely be painfully embarrassing when I stop using the term and reflect back on this.
William and I watch a lot of "reality" TV on VH1 and then talk about it at work. When the show "Tool Academy" started, he told me that he wanted to go on Tool Academy so he could learn to be a tool. I had to explain that the men were already tools and were brought there by their girlfriends in hopes they could change and *not* be tools.

I mentioned a while ago that William's nickname for me was "Sexy Pants". That lasted a while, but a few months ago, and from seemingly out of nowhere he decided to start calling me "Sweet Tits" instead. This doesn't phase me in the least, because that's how I roll, dog. And one morning I was on the train and realized I didn't have my flats with me, which meant I would have to walk nearly a mile in heels. So I called him to ask him to pick me up. On that particular day, his girlfriend had his phone. She informed me that William left his phone at home by accident - That meant I had to walk to work in heels. It also meant William got in a lot of trouble that night when he had to explain to his girlfriend who "Sweet Tits" was, since that's how my name came up on the phone when I called.

Actual phrases William uses:
(Thank you, William or Thank you, dog) "No sweat my pet"
If I do him a favor: "You're the breast"
William, what are you doing this weekend? "Oh nothing. Just playing with my twig & berries" (if you are unaware, that is code for dick & balls)
Then there's just the random crazy. Like back in May when I said: "Can you believe it's Memorial Day in less than 2 weeks?" His reply? "I can't believe it's not butter". What?!

I don't remember who or what we were discussing, but one day William said "You know I love blonds!". You do? (I knew he loves big tits, but I had no idea about blonds...) He went on to tell me that back when he had just moved here from Ecuador and entered grade school, he fell madly in love with this hot little Russian chick with blond hair. It was the first time he had seen a little blond girl, since everyone in Ecuador is dark haired. He was smitten and mesmerized. He told me she reminded him of Miss Piggy - at which point I had to interrupt his story because I hate Miss Piggy and despise the Muppets. I mean: She's not attractive, she's a bitch and the rest of that show wasn't funny. I hated it! - ok, anyway, so she reminded him of Miss Piggy, who I guess he had a puppet crush on or something. And he said he used to sit behind her in class and play with her hair. How cute it that? Little 6 year old William crushing on a blond girl. He's supposedly loved blonds ever since (with big tits, of course).

Earlier this week, someone called and asked me if I was involved in some project for a software called "Cochran". I replied that I was not. I hung up and said to William - "What? Just because it has the word Cock in it, I must be working on it?" He confirmed, telling me "If it has Cock, you're all over it."

Touche, my good man. I mean 'dog'.