First of all, I recently found this photo of me and William from our office Christmas Party in 2002. Aren't we cute? I really don't know what's going on here, actually...
I want to thank all of you that read the last William post and wrote in with your nickname suggestions. I read all of them to William and my personal favorites were Willito, Ticket Master and Guillermo el pequeno; but I ended up choosing a name inspired by my friend Rowan's comment to call him "Sweet Tits William". I decided that since he calls me "Sweet Tits", I would return the favor with "Sour Balls". Besides, it makes me giggle and he likes it, so Sour Balls it is!
William, er Sour Balls, told me one day that I just *had* to watch something - that it was the funniest thing ever. So he cued up this clip on youtube, and went into fits of hysterics, laughing so hard he was practically in tears.
At approximately 1:13, you will hear the catch phrase "Silence! I kill you!" While this is still in no way funny, the catch phrase stuck and we say it to each other all the time. (You can watch the whole thing if you choose, but I assure you it never, ever gets funny)
Phrases William likes to use:
- "I need your ASSistance."
- "How was your F*CKation?" (vacation)
- "Colder than a witch's titty!" (usually followed by "mmmm titties")
- "Spank you!"
Stripper & Prostitute Obsession:
- I found out that pretty much any time a party is thrown by William's family, there are strippers. Seriously - strippers. Who hires strippers for a football game or backyard BBQ?!
- Whenever I run errands at lunch time and ask William if he needs me to bring him back something, he always responds with one word: Strippers. Sorry buddy, I don't think they carry those at Target *or* Whole Foods...
- If anyone is going on vacation, William has one request for them before they leave: Find out how much a prostitute is! He claims they are only 7 dollars per day in South America - per day! If that's true, I don't think he's going to find a better deal than that.
Random Stuff William says:
- I don't know what prompted this, but I liked it because it was IT related. He once told me "You know what the real problem is? There's no CPU in your head!"
- I really don't know what this even means: "I love bimbos. If it weren't for bimbos, I don't know where I'd be."
- Regarding my emphatic desire that my uterus never be occupied: "Sheryl, shut up, you're going to have a baby in 5 years. You need one!"
- If William thinks I need to get laid: "You know what you need? Cream of some young guy."
- He doesn't believe that I have no desire to get remarried, or that I hadn't been with one of his fellow Spanish speaking brothers: "I can't believe you've never been with a Spanish guy. Once you do, you'll actually WANT to be married again." - whatever that means.
Just over a year ago, William got a new dog. A Shih Tzu, who he named Bruce (after Bruce Lee, because Bruce Lee is manly. Or something.). From what I gather, this dog is in love with William and very protective of him. He even growls at William's girlfriend when she tries to get close to him. This dog terrorizes William's bunny (the poor thing has to stay in a cage so it doesn't become a chew toy), and it severed the leather strap in William's laptop bag-
Just last week this dog destroyed a necktie - William's favorite tie - that was sitting on the backseat of his car. He's one bad little dog. But this is William's "Little Buddy", so he takes it all in stride.
I once asked William if he buys clothes for his dog. He told me "No, that's gay". But upon further probing, I learned that Bruce is a Jets fan (he is?), so naturally, William bought him a Jets jersey for his birthday. This article of clothing is somehow "manly" and "not gay" -
But enough about animals, we all know there is nothing William likes more than ladies (except, maybe, for bacon. It's a tight race.). To show how heterosexual he is, he likes to have different hot ladies adorn his desktop at work. Here are some of them-
Considering the bodies on those women, imagine William's horror when he came in one morning and found THIS on his desktop -
Somehow the other IT guys pulled that prank off. Needless to say, William did not keep that photo up.
Recently I rode my bike 70 miles in the NYC Century Tour and texted William to tell him of my accomplishment. I received this reply back-
I responded with something along the lines of "Stop being a fat bastard!", to which he replied -
Unsurprisingly, NO, he has NOT gone on a diet... But we do still go to the gym at work every week. And usually, when we park the car, we see an old man who sits outside a senior center. He often tells William how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to be with me. William plays it off like we're a couple "Yeah, I guess she's all right". Then, on one particular day, this man offered William 30 million dollars for me! William, not skipping a beat, told the man to keep his money, he could have me for free!
Thanks William. I know you don't mean that. You wouldn't trade me for anything! And I wouldn't trade you either. Sweet Tits + Sour Balls = Best Coworkers Ever!