Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Best. Coworker. Ever.

after spending hours on this blog last night, it disappeared. I want to cry. I am going to do my best to rewrite it from memory...

First of all, I recently found this photo of me and William from our office Christmas Party in 2002. Aren't we cute? I really don't know what's going on here, actually...

Me & William! (aka Sour Balls)

I want to thank all of you that read the last William post and wrote in with your nickname suggestions. I read all of them to William and my personal favorites were Willito, Ticket Master and Guillermo el pequeno; but I ended up choosing a name inspired by my friend Rowan's comment to call him "Sweet Tits William". I decided that since he calls me "Sweet Tits", I would return the favor with "Sour Balls". Besides, it makes me giggle and he likes it, so Sour Balls it is!

William, er Sour Balls, told me one day that I just *had* to watch something - that it was the funniest thing ever. So he cued up this clip on youtube, and went into fits of hysterics, laughing so hard he was practically in tears.

At approximately 1:13, you will hear the catch phrase "Silence! I kill you!" While this is still in no way funny, the catch phrase stuck and we say it to each other all the time. (You can watch the whole thing if you choose, but I assure you it never, ever gets funny)
Phrases William likes to use:
  • "I need your ASSistance."
  • "How was your F*CKation?" (vacation)
  • "Colder than a witch's titty!" (usually followed by "mmmm titties")
  • "Spank you!"
Stripper & Prostitute Obsession:
  • I found out that pretty much any time a party is thrown by William's family, there are strippers. Seriously - strippers. Who hires strippers for a football game or backyard BBQ?!
  • Whenever I run errands at lunch time and ask William if he needs me to bring him back something, he always responds with one word: Strippers. Sorry buddy, I don't think they carry those at Target *or* Whole Foods...
  • If anyone is going on vacation, William has one request for them before they leave: Find out how much a prostitute is! He claims they are only 7 dollars per day in South America - per day! If that's true, I don't think he's going to find a better deal than that.
Random Stuff William says:
  • I don't know what prompted this, but I liked it because it was IT related. He once told me "You know what the real problem is? There's no CPU in your head!"
  • I really don't know what this even means: "I love bimbos. If it weren't for bimbos, I don't know where I'd be."
  • Regarding my emphatic desire that my uterus never be occupied: "Sheryl, shut up, you're going to have a baby in 5 years. You need one!"
  • If William thinks I need to get laid: "You know what you need? Cream of some young guy."
  • He doesn't believe that I have no desire to get remarried, or that I hadn't been with one of his fellow Spanish speaking brothers: "I can't believe you've never been with a Spanish guy. Once you do, you'll actually WANT to be married again." - whatever that means.
Just over a year ago, William got a new dog. A Shih Tzu, who he named Bruce (after Bruce Lee, because Bruce Lee is manly. Or something.). From what I gather, this dog is in love with William and very protective of him. He even growls at William's girlfriend when she tries to get close to him. This dog terrorizes William's bunny (the poor thing has to stay in a cage so it doesn't become a chew toy), and it severed the leather strap in William's laptop bag-

Just last week this dog destroyed a necktie - William's favorite tie - that was sitting on the backseat of his car. He's one bad little dog. But this is William's "Little Buddy", so he takes it all in stride.

I once asked William if he buys clothes for his dog. He told me "No, that's gay". But upon further probing, I learned that Bruce is a Jets fan (he is?), so naturally, William bought him a Jets jersey for his birthday. This article of clothing is somehow "manly" and "not gay" -


But enough about animals, we all know there is nothing William likes more than ladies (except, maybe, for bacon. It's a tight race.). To show how heterosexual he is, he likes to have different hot ladies adorn his desktop at work. Here are some of them-

Considering the bodies on those women, imagine William's horror when he came in one morning and found THIS on his desktop -

Fridge Raider

Somehow the other IT guys pulled that prank off. Needless to say, William did not keep that photo up.


Recently I rode my bike 70 miles in the NYC Century Tour and texted William to tell him of my accomplishment. I received this reply back-

I responded with something along the lines of "Stop being a fat bastard!", to which he replied -

Unsurprisingly, NO, he has NOT gone on a diet... But we do still go to the gym at work every week. And usually, when we park the car, we see an old man who sits outside a senior center. He often tells William how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to be with me. William plays it off like we're a couple "Yeah, I guess she's all right". Then, on one particular day, this man offered William 30 million dollars for me! William, not skipping a beat, told the man to keep his money, he could have me for free!

Thanks William. I know you don't mean that. You wouldn't trade me for anything! And I wouldn't trade you either. Sweet Tits + Sour Balls = Best Coworkers Ever!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Reasons I love Greenpoint- Part 11: Park Luncheonette

Park Luncheonette (on Driggs, Greenpoint)

Obviously, I waited too long to post this (it's been drafted since April) so consider this a posthumous nod...

One great thing about living in Greenpoint is the abundance of brunch options. Now I know some people think brunch is for assholes, but call me an asshole, because I happen to LOVE brunch. The word alone excites me! Say it with me: "brunch"! Isn't it fun to say?

Now, I realize that technically, anything from the breakfast or lunch portion of most menus can be ordered at any time on a Sunday, but that's not an event. Somehow, slapping it on another section of the menu and calling it "brunch" makes it more magical. For me at least.

And since I have always loved the look of old Luncheonettes, one of my favorite brunch spots in Greenpoint is Park Luncheonette on the corner of Driggs and Lorimer. The awning states it's from 1931, so I am guessing it's also one of the oldest eating establishments in the neighborhood.

I've had many brunches here, all fantastic and delicious - several times with Lainy, once with Joe Vincent, once with my high school friends Julie & Eila, and once with a super hot guy I was really into but who stopped calling me... Anyway, because I loved the look of this place upon first seeing it, I have a few photographs of it.

Here it is on 03/05/2006. I remember this day. This was one of my first walks around the neighborhood, 3 months after I moved into Greenpoint -

Driggs Ave @ Lorimer

Here it is on 06/02/2008, closed with only a little graffiti-

Park Luncheonette (corner of Driggs & Lorimer)

Corner shot from 06/20/2008-

Park Luncheonette

Evening shot, 09/13/2008-

Park Luncheonette on Driggs & Lorimer

Corner shot with lots more graffiti, 11/07/2008-

I love Park Luncheonette!

I love Park Luncheonette!

Open for business on 03/08/09-

Park Luncheonette - one of my local favorites

on 04/17/09 (this is my last photograph of it open)-

Closed on 07/06/2009-

Sadly, I recently learned that Park Luncheonette is closed. As in permanently. This saddened me greatly. I feel like this establishment is a staple of Greenpoint and I'm going to miss it terribly. I wonder what will happen to this beautiful old neon!

Neon at Park Luncheonette

Neon at Park Luncheonette

Neon at Park Luncheonette

And look at the beautiful hand painted sign for Knishes and Ices-

Park Luncheonette (view from inside) on Driggs

Knishes & Ices - Painted on window at Park Luncheonette

And if all of that isn't enough to show off the coolness, the opening scene of The Departed was shot in there - See the clip below and advance to the time marker of 1:03 to see the distinct lettering outside. The rest of that opening scene with Jack Nicholson was actually filmed inside the luncheonette! (Photos of Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson and Martin Scorcese lined the inside of the luncheonette after the filming) It also appears later in the movie. Leonardo DiCaprio gets his ass kicked in there (if I remember correctly)

But sadly, it is no more. All I have are my few photos and my memories. RIP, Park Luncheonette. You will be missed!

Park Luncheonette is closed! I'm so upset about this!