I first got tattooed in 1989 at the tender age of 18. At the time, tattooing was illegal in NYC and people in my generation and a little older didn't have any ink. Tattoos were primarily seen on people at least one generation older than me. Kids in their 20s and thereabout just weren't tattooed (yet).
At the time I had no idea that what I thought would keep people away from me would actually become an invitation for them to talk to me - (thousands of times and counting) - somehow getting inked makes you transition from "Normal Everyday Citizen" into Tattoo Ambassador: Ready, Willing and Able to answer all your tattoo queries!
And they all have the same unoriginal questions:
- How many do you have? (Why do you care? How does that number affect your life?)
- Which was your first? (Again? Why is this your business?)
- Did they hurt? (I want to slap every last person who has ever asked me this stupid question. They say there are no stupid questions, but they lie. There are stupid questions, and this is one of them.)
- Where did you get them done? (Are you really going to commit the name to memory if I tell you? I may as well make something up, because you won't remember anyway. Now please just go away...)
- Are you getting any more? (This answer affects you... how?)
- Have you been in tattoo magazines? (Surprisingly, no. So when you insist you saw me in a tattoo magazine, I assure you it was not me. It was one of the tens of thousands of other dark haired vixens with red lips and ink. Perhaps even my friend Dolly who has been in numerous magazines and on covers. And by the way, No, I'm not Kat Von D.)
- What do they cost? (They cost what they cost. What did your lame haircut cost?)
- Are they real? (You won't believe how many people have asked me this. They think the ones on my legs are part of my stockings!)
- Are you going to the tattoo convention? (Why would I want to be surrounded by filthy tattooed people, just because I happen to have tattoos? Besides, conventions are for losers.)
- "I want to get one, but I'm not sure what to get yet." (Um. Good for you. I don't care.)
- "My *fill in the blank distant relative* in *fill in the blank city* has a *fill in the blank tattoo*" (Really? Good for them. Quite honestly, I couldn't possibly care less.)
- "I have this: *fill in the blank tattoo*" and they proceed to show me their tattoo. (Again, I couldn't possibly care less and now I have to look at their body and feign interest?)
At the time I got my tattoos, I did it because I hated my body. It was just one more way I could "hide" my body - under colorful ink. Now I love my body and I hate what I have done to it.
Since I don't want to endure the painful and expensive laser treatment removals, I acknowledge I am stuck with the consequences of my decisions. However, if it were at all possible, I would trade waking up 208 pounds again and having to lose my 65 pounds all over again if it meant that I could do it with virgin skin. That's how much I hate them. Of course, that will never be an option. I am stuck with them. Forever. And I hate them. And I'm sick of looking at them. And I'm sick of people mentioning them and using them as a reason to talk to me.
If people do mention tattoos to me, I leave them with these bits of wisdom:
- Don't do it. Leave your skin unblemished and beautiful. Un-tattooed skin is rarer than tattooed skin these days.
- If you really have to do it, don't look for cheap. You don't want a 'cheap' tattoo. You get what you pay for. Go to someone good. It will cost you more, but it's forever and you don't want a blood disease.
- But don't do it. Seriously. Don't do it. Learn from my mistake.
43 comments:
Wow...I didn't know you hated all your ink.
I think people want to connect with you because you are super beautiful and clearly a unique individual.
I don't think for a second they would assume you don't like them and don't want to talk about them.
I think the general public assumes if you are inked, it's partly because you WANT attention.
We should get you a shirt made that says "Go away, I don't want to discuss my tattoos with you"
I understand that it can be annoying for people to talk to you about that.Being tattooed myself I deal with the same but god damn woman I'm sorry you feel that way about them now that sucks.I on the other hand love mine and don't regret them and hope to hell I never ever do.I don't think they make me ugly,I don't feel like I have blemished myself.
That's the ironic thing: I did it to hide - to cover my body AND make myself "unapproachable". It had the exact opposite effect. It made people - total strangers - look at certain parts of my body way more closely than they should and gave them an 'excuse' to talk to me. At the time, no one had them. It wasn't until the mid 90's when it became legal in NYC that EVERYONE started getting tattooed. By then I had 5 already.
Ouch..I never knew...Tats or not you're still beautiful to me..
Namaste,
Super Dave
This is a really interesting post Sheryl. It says a lot about our society in general and how people get judged.
I often find that I get judged "uncool" because I don't have an arm load of tattoos when I go out to see a rockabilly band or go to a car show!
hahaha Reverse tattoo discrimination???
Mary Deluxe
This post is hilarious about is 100% TRUTH!!
As you know Sheryl, I have many tattoo's. I got my first one when I was 15 and way before the "tattoo" craze took off (not saying that makes me cool or anything...well no more than I already am of course!).
I could do a HUGE comment on this or even have my own blog post (which actually I did start since I have gotten a lot of questions from my reader. I will wait to post though lol). But I do have one story to share...
A friend of mine laughs at my "stink face" that I put on when people try to talk "tattoo" with me. Here is a good story of why I have that face:
While I was single & we were at the bar these two guys kept trying to talk to us. We were not interested but they were intent on getting out attention so of course they bring up my tattoo's. The one uglier guy goes on and on about him and his "bad-ass" tattoo and is just waiting for me to ask to see it. So I finally give up and ask....
he pulls up his sleeve to show off THE TINIEST BARB WIRE TRIBAL TATTOO EVER!! I swear to god you needed a magnifying glass. 1st of all I HATE tribal tattoo's and then to have this douchebag show me that after all the crap I have on my body...you have got to be kidding me right??
Oh yeah and once some guy wanted to show me his 'cat in a hat' tattoo....Wtf?!?!
I remember you giving me shit when I got my tattoos haha :)
I have 1.5 tattoos. The half is one I am getting removed on my shoulder so I consider it a half. I got that in 1992 before tattoos were everywhere. Most people don't notice since its faded so much. I know the price and pain of tattoo removal so I know where you are coming from. I've investigated wreckingbalm.com cream but it's still pricey. I, like others would have thought you loved your tattoos but I see where you are coming from with wanting to hide yourself.
Thank you for backing me up Jarred - I remember standing at the Queens side of the base of the Pulaski Bridge telling you not to do it. Of course you did. I tried. I still love you, I just don't want you to regret them.
My least favorite question is "what does that mean?" as if every piece of art I have on me has to have some deep spiritual meaning. And if they did, why would I tell a perfect stranger? And conversely, I don't want to hear the story behind a stranger's tattoo. Kelly it written in his shop "this is not LA Ink and I don't want to here the reason behind your tattoo."
Hmm.. I didn't think any of this is bitchy! Weird! LOL
I think its great that you regret them and are honest enough to say so. I think lots of people do, but they know they are stuck with them so they are lying to themselves.
New rule, no one mention the "t" word ;)
I knew that you hated them - you had mentioned it before. Maybe someday they'll come up with something less painful and expensive that can get rid of them for you.
Funny story - My mom and my aunt are twins (will be 78 yrs old this year) and their father couldn't tell them apart (which I couldn't either until I was a teenager), so he tattooed their arms with their names. They were 3 yrs old. My mom had hers removed when she came of age and my aunt's is so faded it just looks like a bruise.
In any case, you are more than your tattoos.
http://fattiefatterton.wordpress.com
This was a great lesson for me. I don't have any tattoos and I don't want any, but being an artist, I like to look at them and have occasionally commented on them to their "wearers".
I guess it's a little like being pregnant and having perfect strangers reach out and rub your belly!!!...which I despised with every fiber of my being. I never knew until you mentioned on your blog that you didn't like yours, that some people might not like their tattoos later in life...I just never thought about it. If you're a private person, it would suck to be always having to answer questions about something you can't hide.
I love your honesty about this topic. I'm sorry you feel that way about them. Each piece of art looks even more beautiful on you today then they ever did before, Im sure.
-Shel
I'm with Mary - I feel like I get judged as uncool because I don't have 20 tattoos when I'm at metal or punk shows. I've wanted to do it since the late 80s but I am commitment-phobic and that the main reason that I've never gotten one - how can I decide what I want on my body permanently??
I know how you feel about hating your body, but I too am trying to love mine. As you grow into your new weight, it would be nice for you to accept your body tattoos and all. I think everyone thinks you're great so they are just trying to connect with you on some level. Stay beautiful!
Sheryl, I know what you mean about hating your body and hating your tattoos.. I have one on my chest of a bumblebee on a flower that I regret having done. Yet I have an old school one on my shoulder that I love. I wish myself that I could have the one removed from my boob. But oh well now it's a part of me. I agree with your comment on people asking if it hurt...DUH!
i love my tattoos & piercings, but i do not understand how my appearance makes it ok for strangers to stop me & ask those very same questions or to openly critique me as a person. i can't tell you how many times people have just assumed that i'm "into pain" or that my body mods are some type of signal to the world that i'm promiscuous.
when i had my lip ring in i was stopped more than once by complete strangers who would ask me to kiss them, because they had never kissed a girl with a lip ring before. why the hell would you assume you could start with me?
there's such a complete lack of respect & common courtesy in this world & i find it appalling. i would never stop someone to ask they why they got a certain hair cut or that i hated their shoes. i guess my parents just raised me better.
Just after I had weight loss surgery I had a little tattoo done.
It's of a character from a storybook who tries to change herself to appeal to everyone else. She comes to the realisation that she has to be herself to be happy. I related to the character so much. She's my totem if you like.
I didn't want my tattoo in a position where anyone could see it, unless I allowed them to. I didn't want other people to comment on her.
I love that she's my little secret, and that she's always with me.
I do understand how you feel about your tattoos. The thing is, they're part of you now, and you're such a special person. Maybe one day you might be a little pleased that they made your journey with you :)
A lot of us have done things when we were younger that we wish we hadn't. Since you hate the tatoos so much maybe you can have them removed gradually, one at a time. Maybe you would just like to try to remove one to see how it goes, anyway. I don't want to sound silly, but maybe you could get some kind of a deal, as a sort of good p.r. for a good tatoo removal person, since you are somewhat well-known. I'm sorry for any pain you may have or have had. You seem like such a grat girl.
Liz: I can't believe I forgot that question. You're right. and I'm glad to hear Kelly has that in his shop. Right on!
Diana & Mary: I can't imagine being on that side of it - the untattooed person in a heavily inked scene. Believe me, even if some people are judging you for not having tattoos (I never did that to anyone), there are some of us who are looking at your flawless skin and admiring it and wishing we were as smart as you.
Kitty: I've gotten that too "Oh you must be into pain" No, asshole and how dare you even attempt to have a conversation about S&M with me. GO. AWAY!
I don't like tattoos, don't have any and don't intend to. However, all of my kids have several and my daughter is apprenticing to become a tattoo artist. I can appreciate them as art and respect their decisions but honestly wish they'd just paint on canvas instead of their bodies.
I think we all have scars from the rough times we've been through. Yours are just in a multicolour format. The "you" who got the tattoos seems to be very different from you "you" today, so hopefully you can someday hate them less and look at them as a reminder of how far you've come and the experiences that made you who you are now.
I always wonder when I see the muscle-heads who get asian symbol tattoos... are they really sure that thing says "strength" and not "beef with broccoli"?
Niffer
My husband has a lot of them, too. I think they're beautiful but honestly, I don't even notice them. Don't feel bad!
I agree with you on a couple of points. First, yes, it is by far the bitchest thing of yours I've ever read (insert laughter here!). I have one tattoo; I refer to it as my mid-life crisis. At least it was a hell of a lot cheaper than a Porsche! I also agree that people have no more right coming up and asking you about your tattoos, then would go up to an amputee and asking, "how'd you lose your leg, arm, or whatever! It's just rude. Having said that, I think your ink is pretty damn cool, even if you hate it. And no, I would never get another tattoo.
Loved this post. My three small tattoos don't bring on the attention and stupid questions, luckily for me. Your advice is good, esp. since tattoos are so popular. People should really think about getting ink. Ha - if I had been able to afford a tattoo when I first wanted one (back in '79-80 when I was a purple headed punk rocker!) it most certainly would have been some horrible "fuck the world" Sex Pistols style tattoo - ugh ugh ugh. Good thing I was totally broke at the time, cuz, you know, real punks didn't actually work or anything :)
I love one of my tattoos, like one and could do without the third.
Oh wow, I never realized you hated them so much. I always envied your tattoos. I once had a customer take her shirt off in my office to show me a tattoo on her back after she saw the ones on my forearms.
...thanks lady..?? Because I really needed to see you half naked.
:)
I have lately been hearing similar complaints from tattooed people. It is too bad that you don't like yours though. It's that fear - of eventually disliking it and being stuck w/ it anyway - that keeps me from getting one.
My sis is covered w/ tats and talks about them freely. But one time I asked Lars of Rancid about the bat under his chin and he was not happy. I now realize he was just incredibly sick of the questions.
9 weight loss
I have been pondering whether or not to get one but I think I will keep myself a (tattoo) virgin, since at the very least I don't like people being nosey!
I totally understand your point of view on this. I had two tattoos removed and it was painful and it was expensive... but it was also worth it. maybe there will be a process in the future that you'd be willing to go through. good luck!
I totally understand why you feel the way you do about this. I had two tattoos and had two tattoos removed. It was painful and it was expensive, but it was also totally worth it. maybe in the future there will be a procedure you'd be willing to go through. until then, know you are beautiful with or without ink.
Thanks for posting this!
1. So I know not to ask questions! Not just of you , but of others... defiantely seeing it through a different perspective now.
2. So I know how you feel about your tattoos...
I think you are very pretty and whatever ends up happening with your tattoos you are a BIG inspiration!
<3 Laura @ Win Lose or Blog
I could NOT AGREE MORE with kitty kibuty. When people with hoop earrings touching their shoulders do not see the irony in their asking me "Aren't you afraid that they [my little captive bead ring ear piercings] will get caught on something?" or when people think it's okay to INSULT my appearance to my face, I'm flabbergasted anew every time. I would never go up to a stranger and insult their haircut, make-up, clothing, jewelry, and so on.
However, that isn't the stuff bitchcakes is complaining about. Though it's quite clear that you're legimately SICK of the questions and the incorrect assumptions, I think you need to cut people some slack. Most tattooed or pierced people are probably flattered (even if also bored/annoyed sometimes) by questions and don't mind answering them. I get tired of "how much did it hurt?" questions too, but as long as their general attitude is polite and friendly, I don't mind.
I also use it as an opportunity to educate people about the evils of piercing guns (C'mon people, just google it... Those things are awful. Needles are MUCH better for your body) and the importance of proper piercing care, and if they're in Chicago-land and want a piercing, I refer them to my awesome piercer. So maybe you could do the same about tattoos?
It wouldn't even have to be some long polemic. You say you're sick of questions but I think only a total airhead would keep asking those questions if you just said something as simple as "I actually a little sensitive about them, because I regret getting them, so I'd rather not talk about them please."
The life is weird... my path is opposite to yours.I did My first tattoo when I finished my first diet 15 years ago. Today its mark at the end of my new diet and the acceptance of my new body. Its all have a deep meaning and are part of my body as my thoracotomy scar. I see tattoos in a primitive way: magic and noble. That said, I understand your position and I keep saying that a tattoo should be the result of an extremely careful consideration and should not be a revolt against his body or anything else. It is a very special approach. I'm sorry to see so many tattooed and known very well that they later regret. You know it in advance. And conventions that I frequently by my work are full of these people.
When people ask me "Did it hurt?" I make stuff up. "oh my god it was worse than childbirth! 6 burly Amazon women had to hold me down!" (I'm a guy.)
It also comes in handy as an intelligence test. People point to the WRENCH I have on my arm and ask, "what's THAT mean?" Come on... seriously?
Oh LORDY I hate when people want me to 'explain' my tattoos. It takes every fiber of my being not to make some snarky obnoxious reply, because sadly I know they're being sincere.
I used to know this girl about 25 yrs ago... She would go onnn and onnn about the tattoo she was gonna get. 'Oh I can't wait, it's gonna be a skull, yadda yadda. This went on for months, until one day all excited she finally got it and she shows it to me. The way she blabbed about it I thought it was going to be this elaborate flaming skull covering her whole tricep. So she pulls up her sleeve and Sheryl, I swear to god, it was this pathetic crude JAIL tattoo that really looked like the outline of an '8' with two eyes....the size of a pinky fingernail.
There used to be the hysterical website years ago where this girl would post these really terrible and botched tattoos. Things like a carrot with a superhero cape. Or that one of Patrick Swayze in his tuxedo shirt and mullet with the body of a horse, and a twisted rainbow background.
She would deconstruct them with the most delicious sarcasm. She had to finally take it down when some of the owners of said tattoos found it and complained.
I had to stop and read what you had to say about your tattoos seeing as you are so visibly tattooed. I understand your feeling of regret about them, and it sounds to me like you probably are as irritated because of the stupid comments people make as you are at the fact that they are drawing attention to something you did that you so deeply regret. I have a feeling they are a huge part though of what intrigues people about you and keeps us coming back to your blog. I have a large tattoo on my chest that reaches almost to my neck...I have no problem hiding it in fall and winter but during the summer unless I want pit stains the size of texas I usually can't help but show it. I still like most of my tattoos, and I do plan on getting a few more, but I recognize that other people aren't always fond of them...and I get sick of answering questions and comments about them too so I cover them up often. I don't really regret them and I don't think people shouldn't get them, but rather, get them in places they can hide them so if in ten years they feel the same way you do, at least they don't have to deal with people constantly drawing attention to their regrets.
I would say there are worse things you could do in life than get tattoos...and while you are irritated in many ways by the attention they receive, maybe you can turn that attention into something positive, as you have here on this blog, by encouraging people to live the life they want to live and get healthy. ;)
Thanks for talking about your tattoos...I always thought that a tattoo was not something to be taken lightly...it is forever. I thought that it should be a symbol of a really important event...so I never got one, nothing in my life ever met the requirement. Then 9-11 happened...I won't bore you with the details of my experiences that day but after 9-11 I cried all the time...whenever a firetruck would go by I would cry...once in a bookstore I cried at the sight of a book of photos about the NYFD...after about two years of this I got a small 9-11 tattoo over my heart...I cried like a baby during the process (I was 44 years old and an ex-marine) but it did something for me...I stopped crying and started to feel better...it is small and covered up by a shirt so few people have seen it...but it has given me a great deal of comfort...but I hope that I don't experience anything else in my life that requires a tattoo to get over..thanks for sharing...
ooh i should have read this first before asking you if your tattoos looked different after weight loss. sorry about that :)
i didnt just want to talk to you for that reason, by the way... hehe xo
Dear Sheryl,
I saw this post and just had to comment on you're dislike of your tattoos. When I was 20 I decided to get Karma tattooed on the top of my foot. I had recently gotten out of a abusive relationship as well as having my first kidney transplant that I received when I was 16 fail. I come from a very privileged background and was doing everything I could to rebel. 3 years on I have had my second kidney transplant and I now run my families business. I look at my tattoo everyday and whilst I don't hate it I hate the fact that this stupid whim of a idea means that people I associate with will always judge me as being cheap and lower than them. I am covered in scars from countless operations all over my body, my stomach, wrists, arms and chest yet I love them so much more than my tattoo because they display the hardships I've been through as apposed to my tattoo that shows my idiotic teenage faze.
PS love love love your weight loss blog it inspires me everyday.
I hope that you can one day either have your tattoos removed or learn to love them you seem like such a beautiful soul and deserve to be 100% in love with yourself
Gi xx
Interesting. I must confess, I'm guilty of asking dumb tattoo questions. I must be picking people who WANT to talk about them, because I end up having people tell me some 20 minute story about their tattoos. Which is fine, because I wouldn't ask if I weren't interested. I will say that I had someone lift up her shirt and flash me when I asked about a tattoo in her cleavage, and that was definitely unexpected. My friend was with me, and told her husband, who then told me that he was quite disappointed that nothing so exciting ever happened when he was out with his wife.
But I promise if I ever meet you, I will NEVER ask you about your tattoos. Even though secretly I'm admiring you for having the courage to do it, because I'm a big ass weenie.
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