When my Dad first started talking about my Reality Show

Originally posted on myspace, January 10, 2008, but I thought this would give you a nice history of how long my Dad has been hung up on this "reality show" idea for me -

Since my appearance in Allure- my Dad has NOT stopped talking about it. He thinks this is going to be the "start" of something. What? You ask? Well he has it all planned out for me-

A reality show.

About me.

He pitches it to me as "Just cameras following you around for a week- 24 x 7! People will get to see the real Sheryl!"

Well I can tell you what an absolute disappointment that would be right now: I visit Starbucks at least twice a day. I go to the bathroom a lot. I talk to my cats. I spend unhealthy amounts of time looking at myself. I'm on the internet constantly. I text a lot. I answer, out loud, to questions in my head. I work. I shop. I clean. I organize. I count stuff. I obsess. I commute. And I work out (but that's been well documented) and I sleep. Occasionally I have sex. (ed note: that 'occasionally' has dropped to 'never')

That's about it. I swear, it's not nearly as exciting as you might think.

But he has started calling me and leaving me voice mails at work:

"Hello. Ms Sheryl? This is NBC calling and we are interested in you for a reality show. We want the viewers to know what your life is really like! We'll film you for a week straight. It will be called 'A week with Sheryl'. We'll be arranging a meeting with you soon!"

I've had several of these voice mails from "an NBC Executive"...

And when he calls me and gets through, he will actually say "So, have you heard from NBC yet?!" (I assume he picks NBC because he knows how much I love 30 Rock)

But what I didn't realize is that he's been talking to my brother about this. So much so, that my brother actually called me a few nights ago and said-

"I gotta ask you, because Dad keeps mentioning it- are you really going to be on a reality show? Because if so, I want to be on it!"

"NO! THERE IS NO REALITY SHOW! I'M DEATHLY HORRIFIED OF THE THOUGHT OF SEEING MYSELF ON VIDEO, FOR PETE'S SAKE! DAD IS JUST CRAZY!!!!!"

So put down your Tivo and DVR remotes, kids, there is no new Bitch Cakes programming you need to record...