Turning Point

I've been going through life the last few months in a fog. I still am not sure what triggered it (I think turning 40 really fucked with my head. It made me think about a lot of things I didn't want to think about, but honestly I think it started before that...) Whatever the trigger, I can tell I haven't been myself in a while and I think everyone close to me has noticed it too. I missed 'me' but I didn't know how to get me back so I stumbled through, every day, sleeping a lot and doing some pretty self destructive things and not knowing how to get out of it.

Today two things happened.

1) I downloaded the P!nk song "So What" last night and I listened to it today. A lot. How did it take me 3 years to hear this whole song and to realize the genius of it? I have no idea but I can't remember the last time I felt so strong and empowered and excited about life. It's official, P!nk is my new hero and total girl crush. She's such a fucking badass! I love her!!!!



2) Someone posted a quote on Facebook. Now, call me cheesy but I'm a huge fan of quotes - things I find moving or positive or inspirational - things I find truth in and can relate to. This was also sheer genius and hit me just when I needed to hear/read it.

Tupac, I have no idea if you really said that but I want to believe you did. RIP either way.

I listened to that song, and thought about that quote as I walked down the escalator stairs and made my way across the 7 Train platform in Grand Central tonight and I suddenly felt... free - for the first time in a long time. I felt myself smile. A genuine smile. I felt my walk change immediately. I felt myself get taller. I felt powerful. I felt strong. I felt my confident walk return for the first time in a while. It's been a long time since I felt that way. And it felt AWESOME!

It seriously happened in a matter of seconds like that, and I took it all in as it happened. At the moment I was aware of everything going on, my brain reminded me of another great quote I read recently (also on Facebook, sue me) that said something like "Mistakes can only be made once, because the second time they are not mistakes, they are choices."

Indeed.


Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, right? (another quote, I think) Yeah well I'm tired of making the same mistakes choices time and again only to hurt myself repeatedly. It's self destructive. It's not healthy. And it throws off everything else in my life.

I'm done. You hear me?! DONE. I'm leaving the pieces on the floor and moving the fuck on.

Thank you P!nk & Tupac. You have no idea how much you helped me today.